My Story

Just Me

Rethink “HEALTHY” – 2 years ago, I rocked a tiny bikini and little shorts every day out on the Columbia River, I had abs and loved my mere 12% body fat. People looked at me and assumed because of my physique, that I was “Healthy” – you could catch me wakeboarding, rocking out crossfit, shooting basketball, running, hiking and working out every day at Golds Gym. Here’s the dark side of what that was behind the scenes. I was terrified of food in social situations. I spent 10 years taking diet pills, pre workouts, thermogenics…you name it. I tried every type of protein drink/powder/bar that had been made. I owned every last issue of Oxygen Fitness published from 2008-2012…many of them with pages ripped out, workouts saved in binders, recipes tucked away for later, and the bodies that I wish I looked like plastered on mirrors, walls and even the fridge as a reminder to not eat. I obsessed over my weight, what daily weigh in determined what and IF I would even eat. I tried every diet fad out there, no matter how unhealthy it was, and when they all didn’t yield the results I wanted, I just didn’t eat.

 

So here I was, looking thin and healthy from the outside, but no one got to see the inside. No one else got to experience the fear I had of food. No one watched my hair fall out in chunks, my skin dry up, and my nails bend completely backwards. My self worth depended on my weight and I felt that I was never good enough. It sounds silly to people that haven’t been there, but I truly believed I wasn’t worth love and respect because I wasn’t thin and fit enough. It was a self destructive life, mentally and physically. I remember sitting in my closet in tears because I so deeply hated my body and myself to the point that I didn’t want to live. HELLO! This is NOT HEALTHY!

 

It’s always my reminder that you cannot judge a book by it’s cover. From the outside, everything was great…a nutrition graduate that loved fitness…but the real story was completely different. Just because someone buys a ton of supplements and protein powders from the store, it doesn’t mean that quality of those products are “healthy”they are only required 30% truth, meaning what’s inside doesn’t have to be on the label and whats on the label doesn’t have to be inside. Megadosing: A quantity of vitamin or mineral that exceeds the Recommended Daily Amount (RDA) by a factor of 10 or more – meaning that your preworkout can have 10x the amount of niacin than your body can process, leading to flushed skin, redness and tingling, shaking, jitters, and even nausea or vomiting. Does THIS sound healthy? I didn’t think so either. Consuming just enough calories to prevent passing out before a show or photo shoot, and then binge eating awful foods, and gaining 10-20 lbs in just 48-60 hours..holy smokes, so not healthy!

 

It’ s time that people stop idolizing others bodies that are getting results all the wrong ways and learning to 1) love ourselves, and stop body bashing 2) learn about nutrition and what’s really in the things we consume 3) not buying from companies that refuse to follow labeling laws, mega dosing laws, and do not support cruelty free environments. I won the body transformation challenge a testament of possibility…no diet pills, no starvation, so obsessive working out. Just discipline to my nutrition plan and incorporating all the vitamins and minerals that my body needs through ne of the most tested and approved companies in the world. Take a stand. Rethink “HEALTHY”.

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